New Terrain

Hi again!

I last wrote to you all during Eclipse season, reflecting on how my mind wants to be in control of the spiritual process, subtly pushing and driving me, and causing all sorts of impatience about where I am in my process.

When I began to shift this, it really felt like some of my FEARs were coming true. In April, for example, I wrote:

But if we give up control of our process, will we be as committed? Will we miss things?

Not writing for several weeks felt like that: Am I missing something? Is my ego in control? And yet I wasn’t feeling the pull, my 3D life was busier than usual, and a lot was and has been percolating under the surface.

Of course, the pendulum did swing a little. There were definitely days where I could have benefitted from a little more discipline: using my mind to support and encourage myself to do certain tasks – especially those that aren’t as “fun” …  but I also found myself uncharacteristically relaxed about ‘achieving’ daily goals and able to flow.

Now that I’m coming into more stability with this, I’ve been finding myself on new terrain where I feel (as Lindsay Morlock has described it) like Bambi on ice: boundaries, stepping into my power, speaking my truth, catching and releasing my codependent behaviors…

All things that can feel really scary!

I don’t know about you, but I definitely inherited distorted ideas about power and truth-speaking. With some parental idealization to thank, I came to see power – and even honesty, at times – as big, confrontational, combative and even explosive. It’s the closest thing to someone feeling ‘free’ to speak their truth that I saw in my most absorbent-brain years.

And it’s also, I think, part of what makes the idea of ‘stepping into my power’ scary: I don’t want to be that way, or conform to a (false) belief that to be in your power is to overpower others (hello, wounded masculine energy).

But as Spirit recently reminded me: “Power is only the natural self-expression of your spiritual health.”

Which is to say… as we take the necessary steps to keep ourselves and our inner children feeling loved, safe, respected and nurtured, our power naturally expresses itself. It’s an inherent part of us – not these outdated models of authority which we may have experienced as children.

This perspective shift feels much safer, truer, and manageable to me. Even though I know that the Bambi-on-ice image will be with me as I navigate this fairly new terrain of boundaries and standing up for myself!

I hope these thoughts will be of service to someone else, too – writing this certainly helped me find some clarity!

Lots of love, and speak soon (I think!)

Erin x