Shining my Light!
This week, again, I am being BULLIED by Spirit into shining my light!!!
And by being bullied I mean lovingly and nonjudgmentally being guided toward….
But my ego is kind of struggling with it!
My ego right now is a bit like the kid in class who seems to be paying attention, who’s nodding along, making occasional, appropriate eye-contact, and then when it’s time to do the assignment, is totally lost. That’s when you find out they were wearing AirPods and nodding along to something else entirely (and not your cool teacher jokes!)!
In this situation, my ego’s probably listening to some old subconscious tapes about not being good enough, fearing the rejection that could come from putting myself “Out There”, and feeling very quietly like I don’t belong.
And if I don’t get it under control, it threatens to become a bit like the parent who plugs the route into the GPS, ostensibly on board with following the map’s guidance…. and is then overcome by confusion every time the GPS speaks, overrides every turn, and ultimately wonders why we do not get to the location on time….
For anyone who has been party to the latter scenario, I am doing my best not to get there!
But what it can look like for me is confusion. Spirit prompts me to break free and express myself authentically, I feel abstractly jazzed about it, and, when the time comes to post something on Instagram… I go blank.
Theoretically, I want to shine my light. But my mind starts to turn on: What does that mean? What beams of light, specifically? And how best to articulate them??? Is that beam of light actually…. Quite… boring??
Maybe! (To some!).
But I’m hoping that I can slowly begin to shine more of my potentially boring light, sending out virtual smoke signals to other people like me, and ideally – one day – serve as a permission slip for other people to be who they are, wherever they are at, in any given moment. And I’m pretty sure that means I can’t wait until my ego is 100% “Ready”.
And it is that idea that, (after processing some of the fear), can begin to get my ego on board, because I really DO want to find community and help others feel freer in their self-expression and self-acceptance. I can almost tell how good it will feel!
Spirit told me recently: Rather than waiting for the feeling of belonging to come, create that feeling within you.
It’s a work in progress! But I do feel it progressing. Today I posted my first reel which included my face and voice, and even thought I said aaaalmost nothing, it felt like a big step forward!
I appreciate every one who reads these so much!
Lots of love,
Erin xx