The Butterpillar
Time flies!!! Hello again!
I’m writing today on something that *I* definitely need to hear, and have needed to hear more than once, in more than one way.
I found myself talking to a sister recently on the topic of processing our emotions, and the two of us bonded over a similar line our egos can take: Wanting to process through it all quickly, so we can see the truth (ALL of it) … and (finally) get to having 3D results.
And while it can seem like a beautiful desire to evolve, underlying this sense of urgency – at least for me – is a subtle rejection of whatever is. It’s a classic ego move of mine.
When I notice that my intentions have gone from (5D) truly wanting to heal, have compassion, grow, learn, and see everything I need to see… to (3D) fixing it all ASAP, I know that – ironically – I’m choosing the long path to true healing. It can really be my desire to move through things at my mind’s chosen speed (my impatience) that blocks Spirit’s flow, causes unneeded suffering… and… (again, ironically) slows the whole process down.
For me, this can play out not just with a singular ‘feeling’ or wound that my mind wants to be in charge of, but with my whole journey of growth and evolution.
This feels like my spiritual ‘posture’ being a bit off, like I’m leaning just a little bit forward, wanting the next moment, the next Thing to Realize and Get. Sometimes I even feel this in seated meditation, like I’m physically leaning forward.
But when I lean forward, I’m not really leaning in to What IS… I’m quietly doing the opposite: I (sometimes without language or thought) imply and FEEL that my current situation – in all its many petals of expression – isn’t the most important one.
This strips away my power and the real potential that each moment holds. Because the truth is that whatever we are experiencing, in any present moment, is the perfect doorway. It’s the perfect portal to peace, power, and truth, which I ignore and disempower when I allow the ego to push me forward rather than inward.
Recently, while discussing this topic of patience on the path, one of my teachers said to me: ‘Don’t be a ButterPillar’.
A visual for exactly what I can do! I’m purposefully in a phase of preparation (not sure for what) … and I want to push myself out of the chrysalis, get all the answers, and start flying. But if I were to pop out now... and try to start to fly, I simply wouldn’t be ready. I’d be a butterpillar falling back on my butt. And not only that, but the flowers I’m meant to enjoy may still be in their buds…
But, if I really do want to emerge and be re-born, I need to honor the present as my best teacher. Each moment is a doorway, and each one is sacred. My inner children need to know that no phase of my life is more important or better (or worse) than any other. And, if we truly want to best feed our evolution, the best thing we can do is embrace ourselves exactly where and as we are.
I know it’s a ‘simple’ spiritual truth, but it’s one I need to come back to often. I hope it serves anyone reading this in their own state of metamorphosis!
P.S. since writing this two days ago, I’ve had so many other special (and very related) conversations with my soul sisters that have helped me understand and feel this even more. You know who you are and I love you!