Things Unsaid

Hi everyone!

Writing a little later than usual this week, which is funny, because I’ve been reflecting on a tendency of mine to leave things unsaid… or to wait too long to say them. Maybe that’s partially why I’ve waited to write this!

I’ve found this habit showing up in big and small ways (though I think they’re all “big” in what it teaches my inner children!).

As examples: someone completely misunderstands what I’ve said, and I don’t correct them (small); I was in love with someone for years, and I never told them (big); or, when I don’t share my spiritual interests/truths with those I love (big and small).

To me, this tendency connects to a belief that what I have to say doesn’t matter. And when I don’t speak up, I can feel the inner judge telling me “Whatever”, let it go, “let people misunderstand you”.

And, of course, that same voice will soon after point a finger, saying, “They don’t understand you”, and provoke feelings of disconnect and loneliness. The mind gets us coming and going!

My ego was influenced by spiritual stories at a young age and became, firstly, attached to not having an ego (classic ego move). So, I convinced myself early on that talking about myself, sharing my perspective, or clarifying a point was my Ego and therefore Bad.

In fact, a favorite story was the one about Zen Master Hakuin, who, when accused of various offenses he didn’t commit simply repeats “Is that so?”.

I thought it was very pious of him!

But as it turns out, this may not be the ideal mode of social engagement for people seeking intimacy, honesty and connection, and it could probably (definitely) get us into legal trouble if we took it literally.

After holding back enough times in big/small ways – and seeing it in those around me, too – I’m feeling especially determined to break this pattern. I can see over and over the way it deprives us of real connection and closeness, both with ourselves and others.

And I can certainly look back at some of my more extreme moments and ache a little; it seems the saddest thing to not allow ourselves to express is our love. Too, any time we refuse to share our truth we also deny others the opportunity to love us more deeply, which is a shame, because we are worthy and deserving of it.

While people are, of course, still free to misunderstand us, I think it is so important that we take this risk, knowing it’s a safe one. Because when we do speak our truth for ourselves, we teach ourselves that we are worthy, our feelings matter, and that what we have to say is valued – at least by ourselves.

And I feel like I want to add, too, if you do love someone… tell them!

I love you all!!

Erin xx